


Forevermore

by flightlesswish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Grim Reapers, Humor, M/M, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 04:37:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3277010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesswish/pseuds/flightlesswish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lu Han only has twelve days left to live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forevermore

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a repost from my LJ account.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I write fiction not reality.

  
It starts with the soft melody of Debussy’s  _Clair de Lune_ and dull knocks of raindrops.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han slows his black Mercedes down before ultimately stops, the red light glaring from the traffic light is blurred against the windshield of his soaked car as the rain pouring heavily down to the earth. He turns the volume louder before sinking back slightly into his seat, his slender fingers traveling towards his throbbing temples as his eyes clench shut in distaste at the persistent throbs; a crease formed on his forehead.  
  
Earlier today Kris, his fiancé, has texted him to meet up at the restaurant in Myeongdong to discuss about their wedding plan — which would be hold in two months, by the way — and to make up for Kris’ absence on Lu Han’s birthday last week. It’s not really Kris’ fault that he couldn’t make it, to be honest. Both of them never really have the time to go on dates since they’re mostly preoccupied with their respective works. The date tonight itself has been planned carefully so both of them can make it but, still, Lu Han should hurry if he doesn’t want to be late.  
  
At the age of twenty-nine, Lu Han is a well-renowned architect in Asia. He’s currently working and living in South Korea, and unfortunately it doesn’t really grant him much rest time. He has been pulling all-nighters these past few days working on sketches for an upcoming project.   
  
Kris, on the other hand, is a doctor at one of the biggest hospital in Seoul. He has to be available for his patients most of the time and Lu Han understands that his fiancé is needed by patients more than he is by him, but sometimes he just can’t help but to feel lonely, drowning himself alone in stacks of papers with various trails of graphite and ink of his imaginations and dreams.  
  
He lets a yawn escape his lips and shifts his slender fingers to rub his eyes slowly. They feel heavy from the lack of sleep he’s been getting for the last few days, moreso with the melody of  _Clair de Lune_  nursing him gently, wrapping around him like an overly comfortable and relaxing cocoon.  
  
He’s already on the verge of dozing off when an obnoxious honk from behind jolts him back to reality and his tired eyes meet with a glow of warm green light. He pulls the gear hastily and accelerates forward, still slightly dazed. The time reads seven-fifty p.m., numbers glowing in the dark from the panel in a warm orange glow. He still has approximately ten minutes until Kris would embrace him into those long arms of his and buries his face into the crook of his lover’s neck. Lu Han can almost feel Kris’ breathing warm and soft, a ghost of smile lingering against his skin. Lu Han squirms slightly at the thought, a small smile tugging on his lips.  
  
He doesn’t see it come.   
  
Just a mix of blurred yet blinding white and yellow lights.  
  
But in the next two seconds, Lu Han will learn that death sounds like an odd symphony of  _Clair de Lune_ , pouring rain, and screeching tires.  
  
And the screams.   
  
  
  
(Well, almost.)  
  
  
  
Lu Han opens his eyes to the crying skies. The merciless rain is now pouring at him, his senses numb. He blinks his blurry eyes but the much-anticipated pain never comes and instead, he feels rather light. He knows a lot of people say he should eat more because he’s deemed too skinny but  _this_  feels entirely different.  
  
Well,  _much_  different, because he can see his own bloody wreck of a body laying down on the scarlet-tainted ground not far from him.  
  
 _Shit._  
  
He scrambles up instinctively and immediately crawls towards his body. He touches the arm and burning sensation immediately jolts through his fingertips up to his arm and suddenly he feels himself being pulled  _in_ , back into his broken physical shell laying helpless in front of him.   
  
Then the pain.  
  
The violent, dreadful pain.  
  
Lu Han opens his mouth to scream but he can only manage to choke out blood,  _lots_  of it, almost pathetically to his own dismay. He’s back in his body and it doesn’t feel like this own anymore, because why does this feel so  _broken_?  
  
He remembers his own reflection in the mirror: of large dark-brown doe eyes, full pink lips, all smooth pale skin and Kris would embrace him from behind; lips whispering love letters into his bare skin and tell him how beautiful he is. Now he just feels hurt, broken, like a ragged doll being torn open; raindrops burn onto his open wounds.  
  
 _Is this it?_  He thinks helplessly as he clenches his eyes shut, suddenly regretting his decision to let himself being pulled back in into this wreck that is his own body. Surely death must be more bearable than this.  
  
But then — “Fuck.”   
  
Lu Han flutters his eyes back open.  
  
A boy in a black Metallica shirt and a pair of ripped jeans is peering down at him, eyes scrunched in what he guesses as a mixture of frustration and disappointment. His hair is spiky (despite the pouring rain it’s still perfectly spiked up — how much gel did this guy use, really?), hued in light pink, and Lu Han can’t help but think how odd it looks in this circumstance. He’s  _dying_ , for goodness’ sake, and the last person he will be seeing is this pink-haired hipster?    
  
How pathetic.  
  
Lu Han can feel his own crippled breath slowing down eventually. A faint sound of sirens roaring from distance registers into his mind and he shudders, his heart beating loudly in desperate attempt to cling onto life.  
  
“Wh..?” He manages to whisper to the boy who is now crouching down beside him. The boy’s expression morphs from frustration into a stoic one almost immediately. It’s almost merciless if it weren’t for those warm dark-brown eyes, framed perfectly with dark kohl that sharpen the edges of his eyes despite the pouring rain.  
  
“I am here to collect your soul,” the boy says solemnly.  
  
Lu Han takes one good look at the boy once again and contemplates on how much blood should be sacrificed to snort. “Really.”  
  
The boy nods. “Yes. I am the angel of death.”  
  
“Your hair is  _pink_ ,” Lu Han chokes almost hysterically.  
  
The boy doesn’t look amused. “One should not simply judge an angel’s power over his choice of hair color.” He takes Lu Han’s bloody hand in his carefully and examines the latter’s wounded wrist. “Ten days,” the boy murmurs solemnly after a brief contemplation, more to himself than to Lu Han. “Twelve days top.”  
  
Lu Han coughs. “What?”  
  
“You have ten more days to live,” the boy repeats slowly. Lu Han could see something akin to boredom now floating in those brown orbs. “Or twelve, if you’re persistent enough, which I wouldn’t be recommending you doing.” The boy sighs. “It’d be really wonderful if you’d just die right now.”  
  
As much as he wants to die right now than having to suffer this mind-blowing pain, Lu Han thinks he has every right to feel offended.  _Did this freak just tell me to die._  “What the fuck,” he says, drops of scarlet spurting from his mouth.  
  
The boy smiles wryly and stands up, averting his gaze to a coming ambulance. “Heechul-nim will get me suspended again,” he murmurs mournfully as the ambulance stops not far from them. The medics immediately come out and it’s only then does Lu Han realize that there are people watching them; but no one comes close. Judging from the state his body is in and the wreck of his Mercedes not far from his body, he can’t really blame them if  they think  he’s already dead.  
  
Truthfully, he’s kind of surprised he’s not dead yet, really.  
  
The boy looks up to the sky and frowns, the drops of rain nesting on his pale face slide across his cheeks. If he didn’t know better, Lu Han would think the boy is crying. “Twelve days it is.” The boy affirms with a blatant hint of sorrow. He then shifts his gaze to Lu Han again, eyes dark. “You only have twelve days left to live.” A lazy smirk grows on his lips. “I’ll be watching you.”  
  
It sounds more like a promise than a threat.  
  
Lu Han’s vision dims. The rain washes away the blood smeared all over his body, gushing out from his cut skin and through the torn fabric of his clothes; making a striking pool of scarlet against the black concrete. He blinks again and the boy offers him a half smile before turning on his heels and walks away from the scene, whistling a muffled tune amidst the rhythmic beats of the falling raindrops.   
  
Soon, the medics are surrounding him. They check for Lu Han’s vital signs before getting him into the ambulance hastily, some of them shouting things he can barely comprehend anymore.   
  
The boy is now nowhere in sight, but his smile is the last thing flashes in Lu Han’s mind before he finally surrenders to a pitch black darkness.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The next time he opens his eyes, all Lu Han can hear is the sound of his own heartbeats. He blinks and the color white enters his vision. He can’t say he’s surprised.  _Is this heaven?_    
  
But why is there a beeping sound if it is? And the oxygen support in his nostrils? He tries to turn his head to the left and feels dizzy almost immediately: his vision shakes and everything suddenly seems so ethereal. He regains the rest of his senses eventually and feels a gentle touch of soft fabric around his head, suppressing a series of persistent poundings.  
  
The warmth circling around his right wrist comes a little later.   
  
He shifts his gaze a little to the south and finds his fiancé asleep beside his bed, hand holding his gently and cheek pressed on the edge of the bed. Lu Han tries moving his fingers. “K...ris?”  
  
He realizes how much parched his throat has become. How many hours has passed, exactly? Or has it been days?  
  
The smell of disinfectant is light but it’s definitely there hanging firmly in the air, then he realizes he’s wearing a light blue hospital shirt beneath a thin plain brown blanket draped over him.   
  
He’s in a hospital _._  
  
 _I’m still alive._  
  
And the memories are now slowly coming back to him: the soft melody of  _Clair de Lune_ , the blurred yellow and white lights, the screams —   
  
And the boy.  
  
 _You only have twelve days left to live._  
  
“Lu... Han?” Kris flutters his eyes open. His eyes are bloodshot and his usually neat jet-black hair is a mess. “Oh my God. Thank heavens you’re awake,” He squeezes Lu Han’s hand gently and places a chaste kiss on it. His lips are so soft against Lu Han’s dehydrated skin.   
  
Lu Han swallows. “Can you get me water?” He asks weakly.  
  
Kris smiles and gets a bottle of water sitting on the table beside Lu Han’s bed. He uncaps the bottle and puts in a straw before helping his fiancé to drink with it. “Slowly,” Kris says gently when Lu Han gulps the water eagerly and nearly chokes. “How are you feeling?”  
  
Lu Han wets his chapped lips when he’s done drinking half of the bottle, a bitter taste lingering at the tip of his tongue. “Like shit,” he says but a grin stretches on his face. “How long had I been out?”  
  
“Two days.” Kris answers grimly and takes Lu Han’s hand in his again, his hands easily enveloped Lu Han’s smaller one like a blanket. “Yixing said you’d probably never wake up,” he chokes and Lu Han knows the I _know you’d probably never wake up_  died down in the taller’s throat. He feels a crack in his heart, but he forces out a thin smile as Kris takes his hand against the other’s lips and murmurs, “Don’t do this to me again.  _Ever_.” The words rest gently on skin and it sends a warm, tingling feeling through his system.    
  
Lu Han moves his fingers inside Kris’ hold tentatively, eyes downcast in pure regret. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be,” Kris shakes his head. “I’ll get Yixing, okay?“ He says gently and stands up, a small smile rises from the corners of his lips.  
  
When he’s disappeared behind the door, Lu Han lets out a sigh. His starts head pounding and he winces at the pain. He feels slightly better although he can still feel pretty much broken.   
  
“So you’re finally awake.”  
  
Lu Han immediately averts his gaze to the source of the voice.   
  
The boy from the night of the crash is standing not far from the closed door, just a few meters in front of the bed; head slightly tilted to his left. His hair is now bright red, styled in what reminds Lu Han of a lion’s mane. His hair color is a stark contrast to the boy’s very pale skin. He’s wearing a white tee and an over-worn pair of typical blue jeans; his feet hidden in a pair of black canvas sneakers. Lu Han frowns and pain comes almost immediately from his bandaged forehead, a moan escapes his lips. “You — what the hell are you doing here?”  
  
The boy offers him lopsided smile, amusement drawn on his face. “I did say I’d be watching you, didn’t I?”  
  
Lu Han deliberately dismisses the statement, feeling slightly better as the pain in his head subsided. “Why did they let you come in? How long have you been standing there,” he demands.  
  
The boy leans against the wall, casually slipping his hands into his jeans’ pockets. “I’m an angel, remember?” His tone oddly reminds Lu Han of a jerk he met in a club a while ago. “I’m invisible.”  
  
Not at all convinced, Lu Han knits his eyebrows. “Then why can I see you.”  
  
The boy stares at him as if he’s stupid and decides to be vocal about it. “Are you stupid?” He deadpans. Lu Han simply gives him a leveling stare as a reply because  _excuse me, say that again to my summa cum laude diploma_.  
  
The boy raises an eyebrow. “It’s not like I want to. I did say it’d be wonderful if you’d just die right there and then.”  
  
If it weren’t for the IV line and the pain tying him down, Lu Han would walk up to him and bitch-slap him hard in his smug little face.   
  
But alas, life is unfair.  
  
“It’s my mistake you’re still alive.” The boy says again, completely ignoring Lu Han’s glare that blatantly says  _I will end you in the most painful ways possible_. “I’ll have to get it right this time.”  
  
“Why the hell — “  
  
“Lu Han?”  
  
Lu Han stops and shifts his gaze to the opened door. Kris is standing in the doorway, behind him are two nurses and a weary-looking Yixing, although there’s a smile playing on the latter’s lips.   
  
Still leaning against the wall beside the door, the boy smiles.  
  
“Who were you talking to,  _baobei_?” Kris asks carefully as he steps in to stand beside the bed, the medics behind him follow suit. Lu Han glares at the smiling boy and answers, “ _Him._ ”  
  
Kris follows his gaze and his expression turns blank almost immediately. Yixing and the two nurses also averts their gazes to the wall beside the door, and their curious gazes morph into confusion. Kris turns his gaze to Yixing, who does the same simultaneously. Yixing shakes his head and Kris returns his attention back to Lu Han. “There’s no one there, Lu Han.”  
  
Lu Han stares at his fiancé, big-eyed, eyebrows raised in bewilderment. “But he’s right  _there_.”   
  
Kris looks at the direction Lu Han has said once more before he heaves a sigh, running his fingers over his already messy hair. He opts to settle down on the chair beside Lu Han and Yixing wordlessly checks for Lu Han’s vital signs, one of the nurse scribbling down something on a paper attached to a red board she’s holding.   
  
Yixing smiles as he puts the stethoscope off his ears and signals Kris to follow him towards the doorway. “He needs more rest,” he says to Kris quietly. “The hallucination is perhaps due to fatigue, but I think he’ll be okay for now.” A worn-out reassuring smile stretches across the doctor’s lips.  
  
“Yeah,” Kris smiles in relief and pats Yixing’s shoulder gently. “Thank you, Xingxing. I know I can always count on you.”  
  
Yixing simply nods before he leaves with the nurses, leaving only both of them in the room.  
  
Or  _three_  of them, if you count the boy leaning against the wall beside the door.  
  
Lu Han squints at the boy who still has his ( _annoying_ , Lu Han insists,) smile on. The boy crosses his arms across his chest and Lu Han can see prominent collarbones peeking as through the fabric of his white tee, wrinkled by the motion. Lu Han clears his throat and the boy raises an eyebrow in response.  
  
“Rest, Lu Han,” Kris murmurs as he pulls the blanket to Lu Han’s chest, distracting Lu Han’s attention. “I’ll be right here.”  
  
Lu Han averts his attention to Kris. “Are you in charge of me? Is it okay for you to stay here?”  
  
“No, Yixing is. I can’t. I can’t, you know? I won’t be able to concentrate and I might end up killing you.” Kris gives him a weak laugh. “I have too much feelings for you, so. Yixing is a much better option, trust me.”   
  
At this the boy snorts and Lu Han shoots him a glare before giving his fiancé a small smile, nodding slightly. His eyes do begin to feel too heavy to be awake any longer. Kris smiles and leans in, placing a kiss on Lu Han’s forehead gently. “I love you,” he says softly.  
  
When he whispers  _I love you too_ , Lu Han can almost see the boy’s smile falters.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sehun stumbles nervously into a tall building at the end of the block in the lowest level of the clouds, a gloomy  **DEATH DEPARTMENT**  in capital bold letters carved onto an ancient-looking piece of wood adhered firmly on the brick wall beside the entrance door greets him welcome.   
  
It’s really crowded and noisy inside and it’s not really a surprise given the time of the day. It’s nearly midnight: the busiest hour in this particular department. Different quirks of angels (and, of course, freshly-reaped souls: some weeping, some frantic, and the rest simply have that Blank Face on) chattering away are scattered around the building; all mingled into blurred colors. Contrary to popular beliefs, the angels working in this department aren’t all gloomy looking with nasty weapons and all those scary-looking things.  
  
Living in the After Life is pretty much the same with living below. You feel, you eat and drink, you also get tired and sick despite your increased strength and stamina, but of course — you won’t die again (that’s why Sehun finds the term YOLO a bit ridiculous because really, you don’t only  _live_  once — you only  _die_  once).   
  
After your soul is taken by an angel of death, you would be guided to register yourself in the Death Department. You’re then allowed to mourn your own death for the maximum of seven days before you need to apply for jobs in available departments and after admittance, you get approximately a month training on your assigned role and that’s it, your “life” goes on.   
  
You can see what happens in life below although you can’t come down unless it’s demanded by your duty. You also get to play and have fun after work, anything you want. For example: Sehun, aside of his main job taking lives and such, off-job he is the guitarist of EXO, a quite famous band in the After Life. He also dances and performs regularly on the seventh level of the clouds, where all entertainment in the After Life exhibited.  
  
Plus, you do gain that ethereal angelic aura and hey, it really doesn’t hurt to become extra attractive.   
  
But just like living below, a responsibility comes with the job.   
  
Sehun gingerly gets in line to report his earlier failure in taking his assigned soul with several grim-looking others, crossing his fingers in hope that he would still be allowed to perform after this. It’s definitely not his first time and the Head of Death Department, Kim Heechul, had warned him the last time he did a month ago.   
  
During his career of being an angel of death so far, Sehun has been involved in various incidents that can only be explained by bad luck and sometimes he really wants to cry because  _hello_ , he died young for goodness’ sake and all he gets after he died is  _this_? He remembers his luck being quite good when he’s still alive. Has he used all his luck while he’s still alive  _oh God is that why —_  
  
“Sehun!”  
  
Sehun turns his head to the source of the voice sadly and finds a breathless Chanyeol approaching him, all rainbows and sunshine with hot pink sneakers, washed blue jeans, and sun-colored tee; gangly hand swinging his spotless gotchic-style scythe carelessly. The sadness in Sehun’s dark-brown eyes morphs into annoyance almost immediately. “What,” Sehun scowls, crossing his arms across his chest.   
  
Chanyeol now has that Creepy Smile stretches across his lips, eyes twinkling with eternal cheerfulness that Sehun thinks doesn’t match his image as an angel of death as he drops his scythe to the floor with a loud clang and envelopes him in a hug. “Sehun! My favorite!” Chanyeol coos and Sehun rolls his eyes because  _everyone_  knows who’s Chanyeol’s real favorite is. “We have another gig this Tuesday! You’re coming, right?” The smile grows even wider as he lets Sehun go, displaying a set of perfectly straight white teeth.  
  
Sehun shoots him a glare. “I have to stay below again.  _Twelve days_. No thanks to you.”  
  
The older boy, who plays the drum in EXO, grins sheepishly. “You missed the timing again?”  
  
“If you weren’t so persistent in doing that freaking an hour-long  _encore_ , I wouldn’t be.”  
  
“But Baekhyun wants to do an hour-long encore,” Chanyeol sticks out his lower lip a little and Sehun instantly feels like he’s just murdered a puppy, “and we love our fans so much we can’t just — “  
  
“Just,” Sehun interrupts, hand covering Chanyeol’s gaping mouth. He can feel Chanyeol’s drool on his palm and winces. “Shut up, okay. I’ve had enough headaches for the day.”  
  
Sehun removes his palm off Chanyeol’s mouth and wipes the drool on Chanyeol’s sunny yellow shirt before training his eyes forward. He’s only three people away from the woman behind the desk now.  
  
Chanyeol gets behind him and hugs him, resting his chin on the younger’s shoulder as if he’s done it a million times (which he probably has, actually. Sehun has lost count.) “Who is it anyway?”  
  
There’s a brief pause before Sehun answers. “Lu Han, Chinese, a famous architect, twenty-nine.” He says nonchalantly and busies himself examining his well-manicured nails.   
  
Chanyeol freezes momentarily at this and immediately drops his hands off Sehun before turning the slightly shorter boy around. He shakes Sehun’s shoulders, eyes as big as a saucer. “Lu Han?” Chanyeol asks frantically, “Holy shit, did you just said Lu Han?  _That_  Lu Han? Who is the heartless monster that assigned him to you?!”  
  
Sehun keeps mum in response, eyebrows furrowed. After a minute of staring contest, Chanyeol knits his eyebrows and sighs. “I’m so sorry, Sehun.”  
  
“Why are you sorry,” Sehun finally snaps, “Just. Go. Go away.”  
  
The smile playing on Chanyeol lips is drastically dimmer; almost heart-wrenchingly sad, and Sehun can’t say he like it. Sadness doesn’t look good on Chanyeol, at all. Sehun softens his eyes and forces a thin smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to snap at you like that, hyung.”  
  
Chanyeol shakes his head and fixes his gaze on the now empty gap between Sehun and the bored-looking woman behind the desk, waiting for Sehun’s report. “No, it’s okay.” Chanyeol bites his lip and shifts his gaze back to the younger. “Will you be okay?”  
  
Sehun feels his the corner of his lips tugs upward slightly as he shrugs. “Yeah,” he says coolly. “Of course I will.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han finds out the boy’s name the next day.   
  
Kris is out to work again and so it’s only him and the boy in the room. The boy wasn’t joking when he said he’d be watching the architect. When Lu Han woke up earlier this morning, he was already there; leaning against the wall beside the door, a black guitar case slung on his shoulder; arms crossed.   
  
“Sehun,” the boy says nonchalantly when Lu Han asks. He is sitting on the couch near the window now, an acoustic guitar on his lap. His hair is now grass green; his bangs falling graciously just above his smoky eyes.   
  
Lu Han has, with some difficulties and after a series of denial, accepted the fact that Sehun is no ordinary being. “Can you just. Go away or something?”   
  
“I am here to collect your soul,” Sehun says calmly with a hint of boredom, as if he’s said this for the umpteenth time. “This time I won’t miss.” There’s a determined look on his usually emotionless face and Lu Han thinks maybe he prefers the emotionless Sehun to this one because it somehow makes him feel immensely annoyed.   
  
“So you  _missed_. Right. An  _angel_ , missed?” Lu Han scoffs. “Why don’t you just keep missing and let me live in peace.”  
  
“Shit happens even to angels, okay,” Sehun replies, frowning. “And no, it will cause horrible things and believe me, you don’t want to know. We need to keep things in check so everything can go smoothly. I shall not miss.”  
  
“If you really are a  _Shinigami_ ,” Lu Han says, “where’s your weapon? Aren’t you supposed to have a scythe or something?”  
  
Sehun raises an eyebrow. “Shinigami?” He repeats, as if tasting the way the name rolls out on his tongue. “You read too much  _manga_.” A wry smile grows on his lips. “But yeah, we do, although it’s not really essential to use that. It’s only used for a symbol, you know? So we look scary and shits.”   
  
Lu Han snorts. “I didn’t see yours, even on that night; if you really were coming to take my soul, why didn’t I see you swinging one to look  _scary and shits_?”   
  
“Mine is still under repair.” Sehun replies grimly and his mind immediately flies to a particular incident four days previously, when he was assigned to a Chinese boy who was a wushu prodigy. The boy refused to be taken to the After Life and actually attacked Sehun, who used the scythe as a tool of defense, and resulted in his poor scythe being broken in two.   
  
Sehun didn’t know he could be attacked by his own assigned soul, either.  
  
Fortunately for him, Jongin, a fellow angel of death who was passing by after finishing his own job, came to the rescue and together they successfully brought the boy to the After Life.  
  
Oh, well.   
  
Talk about a rough night.  
  
Lu Han gives him a skeptical look and Sehun pulls on a string in mild frustration. “Besides, like I said, we don’t need the scythe to actually collect souls. Usually we just pick up the souls and guide them to the After Life and that’s it. It’s an incredibly boring routine, really, it’s not as exciting as that you read in those  _manga_ s.” A pursed lips. “I’m a legit angel of death. I even have a certificate to prove it if you’d like to see.”  
  
Sehun is as convincing as a potato.  
  
“Really.”  
  
“I also have many attractive angelic qualities, you know.”  
  
“Like a green hair. Right.”   
  
Sehun glares at him. “Excuse me, but what exactly do you have against my choice of hair color?”  
  
Lu Han ignores him and moans, “But I’m getting married in  _two months_.”  
  
Lu Han shoots him a questioning look when Sehun doesn’t reply but instead starts playing soft chords with the acoustic guitar. Lu Han decides to keep mum and listens; really listens, to each flowing note and intake of his own breath.   
  
“Death doesn’t wait for any weddings. It doesn’t wait for anything or anybody.” Sehun says quietly somewhere in between the chords, and there’s bitterness in his voice that makes Lu Han holds his gaze on Sehun’s downcast eyes.   
  
“Are you always like this?” The question blurted out of his mouth before he can stop himself. He bites his lower lip as Sehun averts his gaze to him, eyebrows raised. “Like what?”  
  
Lu Han lets out a nervous laugh. “Well, you know. Were you human?”  
  
Sehun’s face is devoid of emotions and Lu Han can’t predict what would come out from those pale lips. After a moment Sehun shifts his attention back to the guitar and wordlessly starts playing a song; his long, slender fingers skillfully dancing around the strings.   
  
 _Romance d’Amor_ , Lu Han recognizes a little later, and it oddly reminds him of a far away home he’s never visited for a long, long time.  
  
“Have we ever met before?”  
  
Sehun stops abruptly, eyes still fixed on the guitar. It takes him a few moments before a quiet sentence comes out from his mouth. “Have we?” He asks, lifting his gaze toward the other man. Lu Han simply stares at him for what feels like ages to Sehun, doe-eyes taking him in fully, as if trying to scorch Sehun’s image into his memory. “I’m not sure,” Lu Han finally says, a slight frown on his face. “You just seem… I don’t know.” He bites his lower lip, a hint of hesitation in his eyes. “When you’re playing earlier, you just seemed… familiar.”  
  
Sehun doesn’t say anything for a brief moment before he, to Lu Han’s surprise, smiles. It makes his heart lurch, and Lu Han doesn’t know what to say when a strange feeling that makes his heartbeats turn erratic dawns to him. Sehun smiles, and opens his small, lovely mouth. “Oh,” he begins, a thoughtful look on his usually emotionless face. “Of course, perhaps you’ve mistaken me for some famous idol?”  He says kindly. “I know I have the look  _and_  the skill, you know, and it’s really not your fault that you — OUCH!“  
  
Lu Han stares at the pillow he’s thrown hit the target, Sehun’s smug face, accurately and smiles proudly before turning his back on the whining angel of death. “Jerk,” he mumbles and closes his eyes, trying  _hard_  to prevent another smile that’s threatening to bloom on his lips.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“I have a question,” Sehun declares in the night of the seventh day. Kris has left home earlier and it’s just both of them in the room now.   
  
Sehun is laying on the couch comfortably, lanky feet dangling on the edge. His hair is bright yellow today. Lu Han flinches at the sight, it’s too bright for his eyes at this time of the day, when lights are dimmed and eyes already lingering with sleep. He raises his eyebrows after his eyes have finally adjusted to the glaring color but says nothing, silently urging the angel of death to continue.  
  
“Do you love your fiancé? Kris, I mean.”  
  
The question takes Lu Han by surprise. He opens his mouth only to close it again, one two three, and his expression turns pensive. “Well, he’s my fiancé for a reason,” he finally replies after a brief contemplative silence.  _Is this supposed to be a tricky question?_  “Of course I do, what are you even talking about.”  
  
Kris is his childhood friend. They first met on the first day of elementary school in Beijing and were always together, along with Yixing, until they graduated and Kris moved to Canada. They had kept in touch with each other until they met again in Beijing years later and got together eventually two years after they graduated. Honestly, Lu Han never really thinks that much on the whys, everything just fell into place. Much better than he had expected, actually. “What about it?”  
  
Sehun shrugs. “You’re going to leave him in a few days. Better not wound him too deep.”  
  
Lu Han falls silent and fixes his eyes on the ceiling. He hasn’t ponder much on the idea of dying in just a few days, and to be honest sometimes he forgets the fact that Sehun is here to take his life and not a friend visiting him. He blinks and a strange feeling of nostalgia wraps him gently.  
  
“Actually it’s not my first time,” he says more to himself than to anybody after a brief silence. “I was involved in a car crash when I was 23.” He continues and pauses again, taking a deep breath. “The difference is, I lost my memories then. Not all, just a year or so prior to the accident. I didn’t remember the pain, the fear; nothing. I just woke up two weeks later and that’s that. The last thing I remembered was me drooling on a book when I was in the campus library studying for the finals.” A chuckle escapes Lu Han’s lips. “Kris helped me remember things, and everything just fell into place.”   
  
“What a great luck you have there,” Sehun whistles and immediately earns a glare from Lu Han. Sehun unconsciously wets his own lips out of habit more than anything, really, and closes his eyes. “So you didn’t remember, huh.” He repeats slowly and flutters his eyes back open.  
  
“Were you alone?”   
  
Lu Han tilts his head. “Huh?”  
  
“Were you alone in the car when it happened? Just like this time.”  
  
Lu Han blinks and shrugs after a thought.  _What a weird question._  “I guess. My parents never let me bring up the accident. They said what passed has passed, no need to dwell on the past. Besides, I managed to either remember or relearn all the important things.”  
  
A kind of smile that Lu Han never sees on the Shinigami’s face grows on the his lips. “Important things, huh,” Sehun repeats. He then chuckles, low and mirthless. “I see.”  
  
And that’s that. None of them speaks anymore for the rest of the night and silence fills in the room like a lullaby, slowly and gently cradling Lu Han into the brink of his consciousness.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sehun is nowhere in sight the next day.  
  
But Kris stays in with him today and everything should be just fine but as much as he hates to admit it,  Lu Han thinks he’s already got used to seeing Sehun day after day a bit too much that it feels kind of weird not seeing him and his hipster hair colors, all ready (and  _eager_ , Lu Han believes firmly) to ruin his mood for the day.   
  
Lu Han can’t help but to wonder where is he now, and what color is he wearing today? He begins to think that at this point, he won’t be surprised to find Sehun with a rainbow-colored hair one day.   
  
He sighs and turns his attention back to Kris who’s giving him a questioning look. He forces out a smile, shakes his head, and leans in to brush his lips against the taller’s lips.  
  
For the first time in years, Lu Han feels nothing of the spark of emotions that has always come with the contact. This time it tastes wrong, almost terribly so, as if something very important is missing.  


 

 

 

 

* * *

[   
](http://flightlesswish.livejournal.com/6024.html)

  

 

Sehun never really thinks about his own death. 

When he does, usually he distracts himself with playing one of his electric guitars or dance the thoughts away. 

But this time is different. 

It’s been two hours since he left the hospital room where Lu Han is fast asleep and flew back up for his two-hour break. He really should be back to Lu Han now if he didn’t want to get into any more trouble, but he just can’t make the thought go away, no matter how many notes he’s belted out with his Gibson Les Paul and how many steps and moves he’s executed in a series of dance. He finally sits in the corner of a dance practice room he usually uses with Jongin and gives up, white shirt pressed against his skin completely drenched in sweat. His back slides off the wall and onto the cold floor. After five more minutes passed, he completely surrenders.

 

 

 

It happened five years ago somewhere in Seoul. 

Sehun remembers it all too vividly. Winter was near and it was cold, so cold that white smoke is coming out from between his pale lips with each breath, forming a mist of condensation on the blurred scenery behind the window glass. He remembers he was smiling and tracing the mist with his finger, drawing obscured lines and shapes like a child. 

He was sitting beside the driver’s seat in a black Audi R8 with Guns’ n Roses’  _Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door_  belting out from the radio, piercing through the silence of the night. Sehun clutched onto the seat belt with his freezing hand and averted his gaze to the driver, a smile played on his lips. “Hyung, let’s speed up a bit. It’s late and it’s not like there’s police at this hour patrolling here,”

“Why,” the man raised an eyebrow, eyes still fixed on the road. It didn’t take much time for a realization to dawn upon him and a smirk immediately adorned his rather feminine face. “Oh, does our law student here want to have fun breaking the law?”

Sehun ignored the heat on his cheeks and barked, “Shut up.”

“No kisses for the rest of the week~” the man sing-songed but sped up anyway. Sehun rolled down the window and cool wind blew his styled hair into a mess. He basked into the wind and began shouting words he never dared to say, eyes turning into a pair of crescent moons due to the strength of the wind. The sound of the car’s engine,  _Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door_ , and his and the man’s laughter melted together into one and Sehun thought life couldn’t get any better than this.

The car slowed down before stopping completely before the traffic light, deserted of any other vehicle. Sehun leaned back to his seat and turned to the man, jet-black hair disheveled, face flushed. The man unfastened his seat belt and gravitated towards Sehun, a smirk on his lips. The next time Sehun knew, the smirk fell into the smile he loved the most and melted against his own lips, all warm and  soft, just the way he liked it. It was a stark contrast compared to their first kiss: raw, rough, and dirty in one corner of a club where they first met a year previously. 

“I love you,” Sehun choked out when they finally parted, vision blurred a little. The man raised his eyebrows in question but didn’t say anything, and instead a smile began from the corner of his lips, his dark-brown orbs glowed warmly under the dying red light against the windshield. “I love you too, Sehun,”  he said softly. “Always.”

It might be a lie, now that Sehun thinks about it, but at that time, it was good enough. To love and be loved by this man, even though just for a short while, was good enough.

Soft rains began to knock on the window glass but none of them moved. A shade of green had replaced the glaring red, silently urging the two to go, but they remained immobile, as if frozen in time. The man lifted his thumb to wipe a stray tear fallen on Sehun’s cheek, and whispered. “What’s wrong?”

Sehun lifted his hand to press the man’s palm closer against his damp cheek and shook his head, a smile trembled its way to his lips. “Nothing,” he says with a tinge of pink smearing over his cheeks. “I just. My life is a little bit perfect at the moment, you know, the fact that I have — “ he paused and the peach color on his cheeks was more obvious than ever. “You. I… I don’t want to lose you, hyung.” He said before he could stop himself.

And the man laughed, loud and free, forehead pressed against Sehun’s. “Is forever good enough for you?”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “Huh?”

The man’s laughter subsided into a small smile. “I’m promising you forever, as many forevers as I may have.” 

The sleeping butterflies nesting in Sehun’s stomach chose that moment to come into wake and wander around, sending heat to his cheeks and a light shake to his coming words. “Forever is an awfully long time to look at your face.”

“You love this face. Take it or leave it.”

Sehun pretended to look pensive before nodding. “Forever it is.”

“Okay, let’s seal this.” The man said cheekily and leaned in closer, lips pressed softly against Sehun’s and Sehun could taste the sweet taste of the vanilla ice cream they had earlier that evening as he fluttered his eyes shut, picturing the man’s beautiful smile inside his head, over and over again.

It was the last thing Sehun remembered before a surge of red, black, and pain greeted him all too eagerly.

 

 

 

(This was where he first met Park Chanyeol.)

 

 

 

Moments later, when Sehun opened his eyes, a tall man wearing a white tee with a smiley face printed on it was peering over him, his curly hair pressed damp of the rain.

The man was smiling down at him, slightly less brighter than the smile printed on his almost-soaked tee. “Hi,” he said softly as he offered his hand to Sehun. “My name is Chanyeol and I am here to take your soul.”

Sehun turned his gaze towards the bloody man lying not far beside him, unmoving, and he collected the remnants of his strength to lift his finger off the harsh ground and pointed at the unmoving man, mouth opening to make a way for the words he wanted to say but the only one coming out is bright scarlet blood. 

Chanyeol touched his wrist gently and carefully held Sehun’s scarlet-tainted one in his. “I am here to take you and you alone,” the taller man said gently and shifted his gaze a little to the right. “It’s not his time yet, don’t worry.”

“It will be over soon, I promise.” Chanyeol whispered and leaned in, hand reaching out to him, closer and  _closer_.

At the count of three Sehun closed his eyes, and let go.

 

 

“Sehun can you hear me for the love of God, Oh Sehun,  _wake up_ ,”

Sehun snaps his eyes open and is immediately greeted with a faceful of Byun Baekhyun. His eyes widen and he immediately pushes the shorter man away from his vision in reflex, body jolting upright. Baekhyun falls on his butt with a soft  _ow_  and Sehun scans his surrounding with caution, as if someone would attack him any second now.

His heart is beating fast, chest rising and falling quickly. He feels his eyes sting and with a blink, a drop of tear falls from the corner of his eyes. Everything looks surreal and fuzzy; as if he is in another world. 

It is Baekhyun’s voice that pulls him back closer to consciousness. “Sehun?” His voice is softer than it usually is, but it’s getting bolder when he continues. “Are you okay?”

Sehun shifts his gaze to the older man and blinks twice. It’s getting clearer now. “Baekhyun-hyung?” His own voice sounds raw and choked.

“Yes, it’s me,” Baekhyun replies slowly and he’s sitting in front of him, his face wearing a slight frown. “Are you okay?” He repeats.

Sehun wipes his tears with the back of his hand and chuckled slightly. “Yeah, I guess.” His lips form a faint smile, red-rimmed eyes softening. “I’m sorry I pushed you like that, hyung. I really didn’t mean to. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Baekhyun nods but his expression doesn’t falter. “What happened?”

“Nightmare,” Sehun shrugs and inches closer to the wall, resting his back against the cold surface. Baekhyun doesn’t reply to this immediately, expression turned pensive, and by the time he says something Sehun’s heartbeats has returned to its normal rate. “It’s about the car crash, isn’t it?”

Sehun inhales deeply and nods wordlessly. There’s a hint of sadness and pity in the smile forming on Baekhyun’s lips and Sehun looks away, gaze dropped to the floor, eyebrows furrowing. He doesn’t need pity. Not from Baekhyun. Not from anybody.

“I’ve been looking for you because Chanyeol told me about your current assignment,” Baekhyun begins tentatively. “I kept missing the timing to meet you during your breaks, and I was sure I missed it again today but there you are.”

Sehun looks at the clock hung on the wall to his right instinctively. He’s four hours late now.  _Damn_. “Damn,” he decides to voice out his internal frustration. “Would you please not tell anyone about this. I don’t really want to get suspended again,” he pleads the older man who merely smiles.

“I think you  _do_  need a break. It’s okay, I won’t tell anybody.” Baekhyun stops and adds almost as an after thought, ”Not even Chanyeol, yes.”

Sehun gives Baekhyun a wide, grateful smile, because Chanyeol can’t really keep his mouth shut sometimes. Well,  _most_  of the time, actually. So he smiles, “Thank you, hyung. I really appreciate it.”

There’s something in Baekhyun’s eyes that makes him unable to look away, gaze held onto those warm hazel eyes. They are kind of mesmerizing; a little bit infatuating, even, and Sehun wonders if every other angels who work in the Love Department has similar effect and whether Chanyeol first fell in love with Baekhyun for this very reason. 

“Is there anything you want to ask me?” Baekhyun asks, effectively cutting Sehun’s train of thoughts. Baekhyun wets his lips and Sehun clears his throat. “Ask you what?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Baekhyun says as he inches closer and opts to sit beside the younger, hugging his knees close to his chest. He looks so little and fragile like this and Sehun resists the urge to lean closer and gather him into his embrace. He ultimately decides to awkwardly stare at the ceiling instead. “Perhaps something related to my  _speciality_ ,” Baekhyun continues suggestively and there’s a hint of a smile edging on his words. Usually, Sehun would snort at this and hit the older man playfully before Chanyeol comes to the rescue (he always seems to be everywhere within Baekhyun’s vicinity), but this time he just can’t bring himself to so he asks: “Does true love really exist?”

“True love, huh.” Baekhyun lets out a chuckle and nudges Sehun’s ribs playfully, “I’ve never thought you’d ask such melodramatic question.”

Sehun pouts and tries to ignore the heat under his cheeks. “Shut up.”

Baekhyun laughs mercilessly before subsiding into soft chuckles and finally a smile. “Yeah, of course it does.” He answers finally and there’s unveiled sincerity in his voice, bleeding through the simple words. “It never ends.”

It takes a few moments before Sehun’s quiet reply comes. “Even if he doesn’t remember you at all?”

“Heart remembers, Sehun,” Baekhyun says softly. “You will keep gravitating towards each other, no matter what happens.”

“Even death?”

“Do you know how I got together with Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks instead of answering Sehun’s question, head tilted slightly to the side. Sehun looks at him and shakes his head. What Baekhyun sees in Chanyeol has always been beyond him. 

“You know, we’ve never really met during our lifetime,” Baekhyun smiles. “Funnily enough, we died on the same day and the same place. In fact, he was right beside me when it happened.

“Do you know about the bus accident near Gangnam, seven years ago?” Sehun nods, and Baekhyun continues. “We were there. I was sitting on the second row right beside the window and he’s on the third. It happened so fast I could barely understand what was going on. All I heard were the sound of screeching tires and deafening screams, and there were splintered glass flying everywhere. The next thing I knew I was laying on the road, my cheek pressed against the ground raw, soaked in my own blood. The pain was too unbearable, and I just wanted for it to end quickly. Even then I  _knew_  I wouldn’t survive. I could barely move my fingers so I lay still, simply waiting for the end to come.

“After a short while, I realized there was someone laying right beside me. I could tell he was tall even with him in such position. He was facing the sky I could barely look at and was holding something against his chest. It took me a few moments to realize that it was a teddy bear, its color had changed from what I assumed brown to wine red; thanks to the blood seeping out from his chest and arms. I simply stared at him and wondered what’s he like in a real life, because it’s not every day you could see a tall, grown-looking man holding a teddy bear in a public place; moreover if the said man was dying right beside you.

“His fingers moved after awhile, and his face slowly turned to my direction.” Baekhyun pauses and shifts his gaze to Sehun, eyes turning into a pair of crescent moons. “You might not believe this, but he  _smiled_  at me when he met my gaze. I knew it must have been painful, but there’s still life in those large eyes of his despite all of that blood which kept gushing out from his open wounds. I tried to return the smile but all I could form was a somewhat creepy cringe and that moment I could taste blood on the tip of my tongue.

“I was losing my hearing when I saw him moving his hand towards me and actually put it on mine. I could remember his trembling hand enveloping mine, and despite the damp sensation of blood against the back of my hand, it felt  _warm_. The smile never left his face even when I finally closed my eyes, and that warmth was the last thing I felt before Kyuhyun-hyung came to pick me up.

“We met again a few hours after that, I suppose, during the death register. I learnt that his name was Park Chanyeol and the teddy bear he was holding was actually for his sister’s birthday. We applied for jobs and he got into the Death Department and I into the Love Department. We met everyday off-jobs and everything just works itself out. It’s only two years later did Jaejoong-nim — the Head of our Department — allow me to take a peek on his Book of Soulmates — yes, it’s a lame title, I know — where every destined pair of souls is listed. That’s when I found out that Chanyeol’s been my soulmate all along.”

Sehun listens to Baekhyun’s story obediently from the beginning to the end without interrupting and barely makes any sound. Baekhyun clasps his hands together, as if praying, and closes his eyes. “That’s the unique thing about soulmates. It doesn’t have to happen during our  _lives_. You’ll keep gravitating towards each other even after death, and frankly I’m not too disappointed with the fact that I didn’t get to know Chanyeol during our lifetime, because death has offered us so much more, if you know what I mean.”

Sehun silently lets the words sink in and feels a strange sense of warmth gently engulfing him. To be honest, he doesn’t know what he should do and he doesn’t know much about the future; all he needs now is something to hang onto, something he can  _believe_  in, and even though nothing is certain yet, he  _wants_  to believe in what Baekhyun says. “That’s…” Sehun bites his lower lip, rummaging through his mental vocabulary list to find the right words to say. “That’s awesome, hyung,” he finally says, “now I get it why you’re with Chanyeol-hyung. I mean, he’s kinda creepy most of the time and you can, like, have all the men and women if you want to with that face and alluring voice of yours and you look  _really_  good with eyeliner on — “

“What,” Baekhyun frowns. “Oh Sehun are you flirting with me?”

“No of course not what are you talking about.”

“O… kay.”

Sehun clears his throat. “Anyways, I feel like I was just being enlightened.” He says sincerely. “Thank you so much, hyung, I really appreciate it.”

“Aww, c’mere you poor thing,” Baekhyun coos and pulls Sehun closer into a tight embrace. “It’s going to be alright, you know,” the angel of love whispers.

Sehun buries a smile in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck and decides to believe that everything  _is_  going to be alright.

 

 

Lu Han shivers as he feels all too familiar coldness gently embracing him whole and he flutters his eyes open. He’s sitting in his old car, an Audi R8, but he’s not the one driving. He is sitting in the backseat, staring ahead. The car is moving really fast and there’s a surge of panic rising inside him because they might crash into another car or  _someone_ , damn it, and he leans forward, mouth already opened to warn the driver but he stops promptly when he sees another  _him_  at the steering wheel, laughing.

Beside him is another man laughing along against the wind and muffled beats of  _Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door_ , jet-black hair tousled by gust of wind surging in from the open window. Lu Han can’t see the man’s face, but he can feel his heart lurch at the sight; as if he’s been missing this for far too long, as if all of these has been locked away from him, invisible and unreachable.

They come to a stop when they reach the traffic light. The man sinks back into his seat and averts his gaze to the other him and Lu Han sees his doppelganger unfastening the seat belt and reaches towards the man, pressing his lips against the stranger.

Lu Han watches it all in silence, and by the time they part he can feel his eyes sting for unknown reason. He blinks and a tear falls from the corner of his eye, almost simultaneously with the Lu Han before him wiping a tear fallen from the man’s eye. He can’t hear what they’re saying to each other, the only audible sound left was a faint remnants of  _Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door_. 

The red light has turned into a warm green glow and there are drops of rain knocking against the windshield now, slowly blurring the scenery ahead of them. Lu Han watches as he laughs, pressing his forehead against the stranger’s. 

It is then when he sees an orb of light streaming ahead, blurred against the windshield, and it gets wider and wider until — 

He screams.

The next thing he knows, there are are splinters of glass flying everywhere and his vision splotched with so much red. The world is turned upside down before him in slow motion. There’s pain everywhere and all he can think of is  _stop stop stop make it stop please I’m begging you —_

_S —_

 

 

“Lu Han?”

Lu Han jolts awake and immediately realizes he’s screaming, his cheeks wet of trails of tears. He is trembling, choked sobs eventually replacing his screams and the next thing he knows, he’s gathered in a pair of long arms. His face is pressed against a soft fabric of cloth with a faint smell of lavender, his fingers travel north to tug at the hem of the shirt as he cries silently.  

There’s a shy stroke on his hair after a few moments.

Lu Han takes one shaky breath and lets go of the embrace, looking up.

In the dim room, he can see Sehun is looking back at him, his amber locks look like they’re glowing in the dark. The Shinigami’s dark-brown eyes are unreadable, unblinking, his mouth slightly ajar, revealing a glimpse of straight white teeth. Their eyes locked and no one moved, and honestly there are many things that could have been blurted out from his mouth at this moment, but the first thing that is successfully delivered from Lu Han’s brain to his mouth is: “Where have you been?”

Sehun’s smile is surprisingly soft. “Did you miss me?”

Lu Han tries not to think about the growing heat under his cheeks and pushes the taller man away, lips pursed. “Of course  _not_ , where did that confidence even come from.” 

“Well, let’s see,” Sehun says, fingers tapping on his chin in a mock contemplation. “How about I heard you screaming my name in your sleep just a few moments ago.”

Lu Han gapes and attempts to retort, but all he really does is opening and closes his mouth like a fish taken out of the water. “What. I.  _What_.”

Sehun raises a brow and snorts. “What were you dreaming about anyway?”

“It was…” Lu Han bites his lower lip. “It was about my first car crash.” He pauses and with a pointed look he adds, “Why would  _I_  be screaming  _your_ name?”

There’s a pregnant pause and Lu Han sees a hint hesitation in the other’s eye. Sehun finally clears his throat, eyes narrowed, crossing his arms across his chest. “How am  _I_  supposed to know? You’re the one dreaming it.”

“Pfft. ”

“Don’t you  _pfft_  me, Mr. Deer,”

Lu Han opens his mouth to retort only to close it again, eyes narrowed. “Why did you call me Deer.”

Sehun raises an eyebrow. “Because people call you so.”

“No,” Lu Han says slowly, “I am certain no one calls me Deer in front of  _you_.” He raises his eyebrows. “Well?”

Sehun keeps a blank face on before finally sighing, fingers running over his hair. “I know Chinese, okay?” 

Lu Han, strangely, displays one of his sweetest smiles in response. When Sehun is able to regain his composure again, Lu Han opens his mouth. “Ni shi malingshu ma?”

“What.”

“Ni shi malingshu ma?” Lu Han repeats patiently, saccharine smile never leaving his face. Sehun feels an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach but he cannot back down now so, lifting his chin a little, he stares challengingly at Lu Han. “Yes.  _Dui_. Of course.”

And Lu Han bursts into laughter. “Did you even understand,” He says in between his fits of obnoxious laughter, “that I just asked you if you’re a  _potato_  and you said  _yes_?” He pauses his laughter and wipes a drop of imaginary tear from the corner of his eye. “Oh my God, you’re a potato.  _A_ _potato Shinigami_ , oh my God — “

Sehun, realizing that his dignity has been crushed by a babyfaced spawn of satan man-deer, decides to sit on the couch and sulks. Yeah, Sehun is incredibly mature. “You know, for someone who’s gonna die in three days, you’re a bit too cheerful.” Sehun mutters after Lu Han has finally finished laughing.

“Ah,” Lu Han says, smile faltering. “I almost forgot about that.” He shifts a little and grimaces. “I do feel a lot weaker and sleepier each day.” He chuckles. “It almost feels like my body is giving up on me, you know?”

Sehun shrugs. “You’re supposed to be dead that day anyway. You should be thankful to me for that, at least.”

“So you’re saying I should be thankful to you for you being unprofessional at doing your job?”

Sehun’s expression draws blank. “Okay, I give up. Now stop talking.”

Lu Han is failing his attempt to hide his laugh and Sehun frowns, lips pursed, mentally telling himself that he only has to endure this for three more days before a strange sensation stirs inside him. It takes him a little while to realize that Lu Han has stopped laughing. He lifts his gaze slightly and meets with a pair of soft doe-eyes. “Sehun,” Lu Han’s voice is soft and genuine. “Does it hurt?”

Sehun gulps down, unblinking. “What?”

“Dying,” Lu Han replies quietly, lowering his gaze to his the IV line attached on wrist. Bluish veins are visible through his pale, seemingly paper-thin skin. Sehun feels his heart drops at the sight, just a little. “Are you afraid?”

Lu Han chuckles.“Yeah. A little, I guess.” Who’s not afraid of death, really? He  _does_  know certain people who say they aren’t, but he always thinks those are bulls. Who can guarantee whatever happens after death would be better than this life? 

“It’s different with each person,” Sehun says slowly. “It doesn’t have to hurt. Although it also depends on how we pick up the soul, it’s still up to the person, actually. You wouldn’t feel a thing when your soul irrevocably leaves your body. Heck, most people doesn’t even realize until a while later.” He pauses, a small smile perched on his lips. “It’s the memories that hurt. If you just let it go, it doesn’t hurt at all.” 

“I…” Lu Han pauses. He remembers the pain a few nights earlier when he lay on the ground dying. It makes him cringe.

“What makes you want to hold onto life for so damn  _long_  anyway,” Sehun suddenly snaps, frown on his face, annoyance clear in his eyes. “Life  _sucks_.”

“Well excuse me,” Lu Han shoots him a pointed look, “you’re an  _angel_  so what do you know about how humans feel?”

The frown on Sehun’s face grows deeper. “I  _do_  understand how humans feel, why would I not?”

“Because you’ve never been human, have you? I asked you if you were a human before and you never answered to my question!”

Sehun glares at him. “I  _was_ , okay,” he sighs. “I  _was_  human.”

“I’m sorry if  _yours_  sucked then,” Lu Han immediately replies mercilessly, eyes squinting, “but I have matters of importance to attend to and I can’t leave Kris just like  _that_.”

“None of those would matter when you die, Lu Han,” Sehun lets out a humorless laugh. “Humans are easily replaceable,” he says bitterly. “Even lovers.”

Lu Han doesn’t immediately answer. When he does, any trace of his mischief is gone. “Personal experience?”

“Shut up,” Sehun snaps, looking away to the ceiling. 

“I’m sorry. I guess it did suck,” Lu Han says after a thought and pauses. “But you do realize she had to move on, right? Or do you want her to wait for you forever and all that cliché things? If you do love her, you’d want her the best, right?”

“Is that what you’re going to do? To Kris, I mean. You’d still want him to live happily with someone else?”

Lu Han mulls it over a bit. “It’d be difficult, but yeah, I do want him to be happy.”

“Even if it doesn’t involve you?”

“Even if it doesn’t involve me.”

Sehun doesn’t reply to that and it’s all quiet once again. The clock hung on the wall shows it’s already past two a.m. 

Sehun feels his head pounding slightly and winces. He stretches slightly before laying down on the couch, too-long legs dangling in the air. “Sleep,” he mutters to Lu Han as he flutters his eyes shut. He’s had enough for the day. “Good night, Lu Han.”

It takes another beat of silence before Lu Han finally responds. “Yeah,” he says finally, voice weary. “Good night, Sehun.” 

 

 

 

“Wow. He really  _is_  beautiful.”

Sehun snaps his eyes open and sits up in reflex, bewildered, eyes immediately surveying his surrounding to search for the source of the voice.

There’s a figure standing beside Lu Han’s bed, his back on Sehun. The stranger is quite tall, perhaps just as tall as Sehun is, long legs clad in a pair of dark-colored jeans. His hair is just as dark, locks tangled in a mess of a hair. He’s wearing a plain white shirt. 

The guy looks completely normal.

If only he’s not holding a scythe in his hand, that is.

Sehun narrows his eyes. “Kim Jongin is that you?”

Kim Jongin spins on his heels and eyes locks contact with Sehun’s, eyes widening and lips stretching to form a shit-eating grin. “Sehun! I thought you’d never wake up!”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Jongin walks towards Sehun, casually putting the scythe on the floor and pulls the younger into a hug. “I miss you so I came down to visit my best buddy Oh Sehun!”

Sehun pushes Jongin not-so-gently. “Do you  _really_  expect me to believe that.”

“Well, no.”

“Get out,” Sehun deadpans and sinks back into the couch. Jongin ignores the statement and instead flops himself down beside him, slinging his arm over Sehun’s shoulders. “Don’t say that. How are you?”

“Cut the crap. What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Jongin begins tentatively, “I heard from Chanyeol-hyung that —  “

“I swear to God if Chanyeol doesn’t shut his mouth soon everyone in After Life would know about this,” Sehun buries his face in his hands, “and think I’m miserable  _and_  pathetic.”

Jongin raises an eyebrow. “Are you not?”

“…”

“Exactly,” Jongin nods firmly. “So let me be a great friend and be here beside you and hold your hand through this crisis of yours,” he says and holds Sehun’s hand for emphasis. Sehun gives him a horrified look and swats his hand away. “No, get out.”

Jongin simply rolls his eyes and motions toward the sleeping man. “What are you going to do,” he says quietly now, “I know you still love him. You’re really hopeless, you know that?”

“The only thing I’m going to do is to kick your ass out of here.”

“Sehun,” Jongin says patiently, “you should have mercy on this ass. I haven’t even managed to confess to Kyungsoo yet.”

“ _Pathetic_.”

“I will wake Lu Han up and tell him horrible stories about you.”

Sehun opens his mouth to retort but nothing come out, too speechless at Jongin’s childish threat. He lets out a sigh, crossing his arms. “He has someone else now,” he says, eyebrows furrowed. “He doesn’t need a guy from the past he doesn’t even remember of.”

“You’re hopeless, Oh Sehun. Do you really want to give up on him just like that? Besides, he’s dying. How many days does he have left? You can always tell him directly about what really happened between the two of you and live happily ever after and all that shit in the After Life, what’s the problem?”

“He has someone else now,” Sehun repeats tiredly. “He’s not the same person as he was back then.”

“This Lu Han doesn’t know me,” he continues, a small smile rising from the corner of his lips. “This Lu Han doesn’t love me. To him, I did not exist. To him, I don’t matter.”

Jongin doesn’t reply for a long time and Sehun doesn’t make an effort to say anything more, either. 

“I know you’re late on purpose, that day,” Jongin says finally as he stands up, stretching his arms casually. He turns his gaze back to Sehun, a small smile on his lips. “Snap out of it, Sehun. Do  _it_  when the time comes.”

“It will only hurt him,” Sehun hisses, but Jongin simply smiles and says, “You know what you want.” And with that, Jongin disappears, taking his scythe with him.

“What I want,” Sehun repeats solemnly after Jongin’s gone, eyes looking at Lu Han: at the steady rise and fall of his chest, at the peaceful look on his beautiful face. 

_What do really I want, Lu Han?_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
__“Something on your mind?”_ _

__Lu Han snaps out from his train of thoughts and realizes he’s been frowning. Kris’ lips are curled into a smile, but Lu Han can see exhaustion behind those sharp curves and lines that makes him feel a pang of guilt and sadness. “No, nothing,” Lu Han lies smoothly, a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes formed on his lips. “Hey, are you okay? You should get more rest, Kris.”_ _

__“Don’t worry about me. _You_  should rest more. Yixing said your condition hasn’t been really stable,” Kris sighs. “Yixing — he’s been on the down side lately. He’s really sad to see you like this. He still smiles, that kid, but his smiles used to be a lot brighter, you know? ”_ _

__Lu Han pouts. “I’m alright, Kris. You shouldn’t worry too much, it doesn’t look good on you.”_ _

__A smirk spreads on Kris’ lips, thick eyebrows shooting up and Lu Han can feel heat crawling under his cheeks. For the first time after the crash, Lu Han is reminded of how stunning Kris really is. He reaches out to touch his lover’s face and Kris holds his hand gently, leaning closer to bask into the touch. There’s longing in his eyes and Lu Han feels a pang of sadness because this would be over soon, that he only has merely few days left to be with him. He can’t imagine what would happen when he’s gone, would Kris meet somebody new? It’s a selfish thought to expect Kris to stay faithful to him even after he’s gone, but he doesn’t really like the idea of Kris being with someone else, either._ _

__And right there, the idea of dying has become very much real to him._ _

___Three days._ _ _

__Lu Han feels like crying._ _

__“If I die,” the words trotted from his mouth suddenly and they feel bitter on the tip of his tongue. He briefly glances at one corner of the room, where Sehun’s been standing, wordlessly watching. “Would you promise me one thing?”_ _

__Kris freezes. “What are you talking about?” He asks slowly, but Lu Han is persistent. “Can you promise me that you’ll keep on living and live your life to the fullest?”_ _

__“What are you talking about,” Kris repeats and the words come out trembling._ _

__“Promise me, Kris.”_ _

__“But you won’t leave me.” Kris trembles, and the next words coming out from his lips are not louder than a whisper. “You’re not leaving me, are you?”_ _

__“Stupid,” Lu Han laughs shakily and takes Kris’ lips against his._ _

___Stupid stupid stupid —_ _ _

 

 

 

__From where he’s been watching, back leaned against the wall in the corner, Sehun flutters his eyes shut and wills himself invisible. For this once, he voluntarily lets himself lost in his own sea of thoughts._ _

 

 

 

__Lu Han glances at Sehun, who’s been surprisingly silent for the past few hours, and knits his eyebrows. “You’ve been really quiet today,” he points out, eyes fixed firm on the blonde-haired angel of death._ _

__Sehun stays still, mum._ _

__“Are you sulking now?”_ _

__No answer._ _

__“Okay, you’re scaring me.”_ _

__Sehun finally lifts his gaze off the floor and tilts his head slightly to the side, eyes now gazing right into Lu Han’s. His expression is unreadable, as most of the time, but this time it makes Lu Han feel somewhat restless. Lu Han tries not to waver and lifts his eyebrows, lips in a thin line, silently urging the other to say something._ _

__“If I tell you that you’ve forgotten something really important after your first car crash,” Sehun begins, eyes unwavering. “Would you believe me?”_ _

__“What,” Lu Han stutters, “wha— what do you mean?”_ _

__“Would you believe me?” Sehun repeats, firmly, persistent._ _

__Lu Han opens his mouth only to shut it again, frowning. He tries to search the meaning behind Sehun’s previous statement in the shinigami’s dark brown eyes but to no avail. “Well. It depends,” Lu Han says and pauses. “What _do_  you know?” He frowns._ _

__“There’s someone missing in your story.” Sehun begins tentatively. He seems unsure and careful. It’s not something Lu Han used to seeing from him, and it makes him anxious. Sehun says the next words carefully, “I’d like to think that he is — _was_  — an important person in your life.”_ _

__“Who?” Lu Han’s voice sounds distant even to his own ears. It’s as if someone else is saying it out for him; a mere echo from somewhere far away, somewhere out of reach._ _

__“You really don’t remember, huh.”_ _

__“I didn’t miss anyone,” Lu Han replies quietly, words trembling slightly. “I’ve asked about them all.”_ _

__Sehun’s smile is cold. “Then maybe you asked all the wrong questions, Lu Han.” He gets to his feet and walks closer to Lu Han’s bed, eyes as cold as his words were. He stops when he’s right beside the bed, thighs touching the edge. Lu Han’s frown grows deeper, but his heart is beating significantly faster. He’s about to open his mouth when Sehun leans _in_ , closer and  _closer_ — _ _

__“Lu Han?”_ _

__Sehun stops midway and freezes, so does Lu Han._ _

__Zhang Yixing is standing in the doorway. There isn’t any nurse following him, Lu Han notices as he manages to shift his gaze to the doctor. Yixing closes the door quietly behind him and smiles, approaching the vacant chair Kris usually sits on beside the bed. Lu Han forces out a thin smile in return and sees Sehun leans away from his peripheral vision. In a blink of eye, the Shinigami disappears into the thin air._ _

__Lu Han inhales shakily as his heartbeats eventually return to its normal pace. “Yixing,” the words come out as a whisper._ _

__Yixing holds his hand gently; a small, weary smile on his lips. “Xiao Lu. How are you today?”_ _

__“I’m too old to be called Xiao Lu now, aren’t I?” Lu Han chuckles, feeling slightly dizzy. His mind is a mess right now. “Why don’t _you_  tell me how am I today, doc?” He jokes, squeezing Yixing hand slightly._ _

__“You look beautiful, Lu Han. You always do.” Yixing offers kindly._ _

__Lu Han huffs. “You know that’s not what I meant. How’s my blood test this morning?”_ _

__“But I mean it,” Yixing insist, “and you’re getting better and better. You’re going to be okay again soon, I promise.”_ _

__Lu Han smiles. “Don’t make a promise you can’t keep, Xingxing,” He chuckles. “It won’t do you any good.”_ _

__A comfortable silence descends upon them and Lu Han mind wanders, most of which anchored to a blond-haired man with a pair of cold, dark-brown eyes._ _

__“Kris,” Yixing starts again, voice slightly hoarse. “He’s a mess without you.”_ _

__Lu Han cuts his train of thoughts and refocuses on his best friend who has his gaze dropped to the floor. “You have to,” Yixing pauses and inhales shakily. “You have to get better and fix him.”_ _

__Lu Han doesn’t say anything and simply gazes at the younger. Yixing, who’s always been so kind and patient. Yixing, who’s been working harder than anyone else he knows to make his parents happy. Yixing, his best friend since as far as he can remember. It’s always been the two of them, until Kris eventually came. He can still remember them playing at the backyard with toy swords and Yixing’s carefree laugh like it’s only yesterday. It’s funny how in reality it’s been years past and Yixing in front of him now isn’t at all the same as he was back then._ _

__“Yixing.” Lu Han says warmly, eyes gazing straight at the younger’s. “When I’m gone, you’ll take care of him, right?” When Yixing doesn’t say anything in response, he adds, “Not for me. For _him_.” A pause. “For yourself, Yixing,” he says softly. Still no response. _ _

__Lu  Han swallows. An intake of breath. _In. Out._  “You love him, don’t you?”_ _

__This succeeds in getting a response from the younger. Yixing lifts his gaze from the floor, eyes widening, mouth opening and closing before clumsy words finally make their way out. “I don’t want you to— to _die_ , Lu Han, God, no,” he trembles. “I love you both. I can’t.  _Don’t_.”_ _

__Lu Han shakes his head slightly. “I’m so sorry. I… I was too blind to notice.” He pauses. “No, I was too selfish to admit that I _knew_ , that I knew my best friend has been in love with my fiancé all these years.”_ _

__“No,” Yixing shakes his head firmly. “ _Don’t_.”_ _

__“Everything feels wrong, Yixing,” Lu Han says hoarsely, “I don’t know what it is and it’s so _frustrating_.”_ _

__There are fresh tears rolling out from the corners of Yixing’s eyes now and Lu Han feels his heart clench at the sight. He hates making Yixing cry, he really does, and now he feels like crying too. Everything just feels unfair._ _

__He takes a deep breath and decides. “I’m gonna ask you to do me a favor, and I need you to answer to my questions truthfully.”_ _

__Yixing simply raises his eyebrows, tears still streaming down his cheeks._ _

__“Did I ever know anyone named Oh Sehun?”_ _

 

 

   

___What have I done?_ _ _

 

 

   

__Lu Han covers his face with his the palms of his cold hands, trembling slightly as tears starting to fall. Yixing left quietly a few moments earlier when he’s finished and Lu Han had been holding back the tears throughout Yixing’s story although his heart breaks with every word the younger said._ _

__(“You had been together for barely two months yet you’re already madly in love with each other. I’ve never seen you like that, Lu Han, that’s how much you loved him. That night you said you’re going on a date with him, and the crash — the crash happened._ _

__“He died on impact. There’s nothing we could do. His parents brought him home the next day to hold his funeral and never came back ever since. We couldn’t contact them and when you woke up days later with amnesia we thought— we thought it would be easier for you to live on without any memories of him._ _

__“Kris— he’s loved you for years, you know? You’re all he sees,” Yixing smiles shakily. “Your parents have known him for years and you know how much they adore him. It was a perfect opportunity and it was — it was _easy_ , to make you fall in love with him.”)_ _

__He feels sick in the stomach. He lets out a low moan and curls slightly to the side, eyes clenched shut. _This isn’t happening_ , he tells himself,  _it’s all a dream._  _ _

__He felt a gentle brush across his cheeks._ _

__A ghost of touch from the past._ _

__“Sehun,” he hears himself whisper. “Sehun, are you there?”_ _

__He slowly opens his eyes to find no one. He’s still alone and everything is still very much real._ _

__There’s a trembling yet gentle touch on his wrist after awhile._ _

__Unspoken _I’m sorry_ s hang in the air, wrapping him closer to a presence so close he cannot see._ _

 

   

__When consciousness begins leaving him, a familiar silhouette comes into view. Strands of messy jet-black hair fall perfectly just above a pair of brown eyes. A sight so familiar; a sight that reminds him too close of home, if not for something long ended with something akin to crescent moon shadows behind._ _

 

  

__Lu Han is taken to the emergency room on the twelfth night._ _

__It’s a rather quiet night outside. Sehun watches in silence, his back against the wall in the less busy part of the room, as the doctors and nurses surround the now unconscious man laying helplessly on the bed, skin as pale as the bed spread beneath his frail body. He raises his gaze from Lu Han to the clock on the wall. It’s a little over eleven p.m._ _

__He’s only got an hour left._ _

___Do_  it, Jongin’s voice echoes in his mind. He shakes the voice off his mind and sweeps his gaze across the room. Yixing and a few nurses are busy keeping Lu Han alive; orders are shouted and hissed, face scrunched in concentration, desperately attempting to pull Lu Han back to consciousness. Yixing’s face is almost as pale as his best friend, but his hands are still surprisingly steady. Sehun knows  _he_  knows he shouldn’t make any mistake now._ _

__But Sehun also knows that any of those attempts won’t work._ _

__Well, not that he’s now here, anyway._ _

__He eventually averts his focus towards the door. Leaning just behind the door is Kris. He’s trembling hard, hot tears streaming down his face. His usual neat jet-black hair is now a mess. He’s only accompanied by empty benches in the long, quiet corridor. There’s no one to tell him that it’s okay. That it’s going to be alright._ _

__(It isn’t.)_ _

__Sehun feels something akin to pity for him, to be honest, but there’s nothing he can do about it, really. Lu Han _has_  to die. He should and would leave Kris behind in this world. Well, it’s not that the person who dies would have it easy. _ _

__Lu Han’s heartbeats eventually return to normal minutes later. Yixing steps back from the bed and leans against the nearest wall, panting, sweat beading on his temples; his bangs wet against his forehead. He’s still pale which is of course reasonable. He may be a professional doctor and has had people dying on him but Lu Han _is_  someone very close to him, after all. He mumbles instructions to the nurses, which Sehun can’t really hear and comprehend anyway, and walks out of the room._ _

__Sehun stands still as the nurses check for Lu Han’s vital signs before eventually heading out of the room as well. Lu Han’s soft breathing, almost too faint to hear, and the beeping of life supporting machines fill the room clumsily when the door is finally shut. Sehun watches the weak rises and falls of Lu Han’s chest, a frown on his usually emotionless face as if watching the sight is physically hurting him. He closes his eyes, teeth digging into his lower lip, thoughts running wild in his mind. He seems to be deciding something. Hands of time tick louder to his ears, roughly telling him that he only has a little time left._ _

__The twelfth day will be over very soon._ _

__When he opens his eyes, his expression is calmer. He approaches the sleeping figure slowly, carefully, as if afraid the slightest movement would wake the other up._ _

__He opens his mouth. “Lu Han.”_ _

__No response._ _

__He’s about to touch the older when Lu Han finally flutters his eyes open. He blinks a few times weakly before fixing his gaze on the taller man. For a moment they both freeze until Sehun can see the other’s hand tremble, as of wanting to reach out; reach out to _him_ , but to his own surprise he takes a step back. He can see confusion and moreover  _hurt_  flashing in those dark-brown eyes. It’s the first time Sehun wills himself visible to the other after what happened the previous day._ _

__“Hi,” Sehun starts. His voice is thick and he can’t decide whether he likes it. He needs to do his job soon and he needs to look _and_  sound convincing as an angel of death. He clears his throat and decides to repeat again, bolder this time. “Hi.”_ _

__He braves himself and takes a step forward. “It’s a good thing that you can’t talk right now. It’s kinda annoying to hear you talking sometimes,” He chuckles. He doesn’t get much reaction from Lu Han, probably because he’s too weak to, more than anything. “I think I have to… tell you some things.”_ _

__Sehun continues. “All the things Yixing said to you are true. We knew each other,” he pauses. The words don’t taste quite right. “Okay, a lot _more_  than that, actually, but I won’t go into the details. For now.”_ _

__He glances at the time. “You see, there are two ways of picking up souls,” he says  softly, diverting his focus back on Lu Han, a small smile on his lips. “First is just wait for the soul to release itself from the body which usually doesn’t take much time. Some people need us to pull them out, though, to make it quicker and easier. Some of us have a really hectic schedule anyway. The second is with a Kiss.”_ _

__“A Kiss forcefully brings out a person’s memories chronologically since his birth, like a movie, and in some cases it even shows a glimpse of After Life. In a way it hurts because of the memories, but sometimes it makes a person easier to accept their death instead. We rarely do that especially these days, you know, since we have to be quick and move on to our next assigned soul. We don’t want to hurt anyone, either. Contrary to popular belief, we’re not _that_  evil, you know? We do that usually to convince particular souls to… what should I say. To convince, I guess; a  _plea_ , that death won’t be as bad as it seems.”_ _

__The fluctuation of line showing Lu Han’s heart rate is getting slower and slower. The rises and the falls are getting weaker, the soft green line threatening to lie flat down any time soon. Lu Han feels like the air has grown thin around him and his head aches so bad he wants to scream at Sehun to just end this already, but instead he tries hard to stay awake as long as he can and listens to the rest of what Sehun wants to say. After all, he can only give Sehun that much._ _

__For now, at least._ _

__Sehun gaze softens. “I understand that what you would later see probably wouldn’t change anything. I completely understand that you’ve erased me completely from your life and it’s been years; but I want you to allow me to take you back to those times. I know it’s a selfish thing to ask, but I really want you to at least _know_  what we once were. What we once  _had_.” _ _

__“Technically speaking I don’t really need your permission to do that, but I think I should warn you because it’s gonna hurt a little, I guess.” Sehun smiles and in the dim lighting Lu Han won’t be able to see the peach color on the younger’s usual pale cheeks as heat creeps under his skin._ _

__And then he leans in._ _

 

 

   

___I… I don’t want to lose you, hyung._ _ _

 

  

__Sehun flutters his eyes open and immediately winces in reflex as bright lights pouring onto his vision through the windows, producing black dots dancing dancing around his vision. He groans and clamps his eyes shut again, pulling the blanket up to cover his face to protect him from the light. In the process, he learns two things: first, he’s forgotten to cover the windows with the curtain when he got home last night (actually he got home at two a.m. — which is a very early morning, really); and second, he’s very much late for breakfast._ _

__It may be very well past noon already._ _

__It takes him ten more minutes to finally decide that he should be up. To rise and shine or whatever grossly sweet things Chanyeol always says every morning. He makes himself a bowl of cereal and takes a quick shower. He feels slightly chilled and wonders why, because it’s in the middle of a freaking July._ _

__The street outside is, he finds out with annoyance and slight amusement, blanketed with snow when he heads out. _Someone in the third level will get into trouble_ , he thinks dryly as he heads to the fourth level. Third level is the Weather Control Department. Things like this rarely happens, of course, because Zhou Mi, the head of the department, values discipline and precision highly and besides, as far as he and most of the After Life population know, Zhou Mi isn’t too fond of snow and winter._ _

__A familiar deep, beautiful voice greets him when he arrives. “Sehun-ah!”_ _

__Sehun feels a smile blooms on his own lips, eyes turning into a pair of crescent moons when he sees Baekhyun walking towards him and eventually pulls him in for a hug. “Baekhyun-hyung. Good, uh, afternoon?”_ _

__“This is too cold to be called a good afternoon,” Baekhyun sighs. He’s wearing a decent amount of clothes to shield him from the cold, Sehun notices, but then again Baekhyun’s always been weaker when it comes to cold weather. “I heard Minseok-hyung kinda messed things up.”_ _

__“I see,” Sehun says sympathetically. Minseok never made such a clumsy mistake before, he thinks. “Maybe something distracted him, it’s very unusual of him,” he wonders out loud. Baekhyun shrugs in response and smiles a bright, toothy smile again. “So what brought you here today? You’ve been around here so much lately, I wonder what could possibly be the reason?”_ _

__“What?” Sehun stares at him blankly for a second and blushes. “Uh, I…”_ _

__Baekhyun gives him a Curious Eyes and widens them innocently. “Yes?”_ _

__“Stop teasing Sehunnie, Baek,” Chanyeol says as he pops out of nowhere and hugs his lover from behind. Baekhyun pouts at this and Sehun gives Chanyeol a grateful smile. “He’s over there. He’d be finished for the day soon, I guess.”_ _

__Sehun’s gaze follows Chanyeol’s pointing thumb. In that direction, a familiar man with his hair the color of honey is talking to someone. The conversation seems to excite the man as he talks with hand gestures and a wide smile Sehun knows so well. If he blocks anything else, he can hear the man’s bright laugh as loud as his heart._ _

__It takes another two minutes for the man to finally look at Sehun’s direction. When their eyes meet, his lips forms an o and it soon melts into another bright smile. He quickly ends his conversation with the man and jogs towards Sehun and Chanyeol and Baekhyun._ _

__“Lu Han!” Baekhyun beams and pulls the taller into a hug. “Sehunnie’s been waiting for you.”_ _

__“Has he,” Lu Han says brightly, brown eyes staring playfully at Sehun who quickly denies with stammered words trotting out from his trembling lips ( _Of course not, I was only walking by —_ ). It earns laughter from his hyungs and results in heat creeping under his skin to his cheeks._ _

__“Looks like the newbie’s debut show would be cancelled tonight, since it’s outdoor and I don’t think _this_  is going too stop anytime soon.” Chanyeol says sadly as he looks up, lifting his palm up in the air, gathering a small amount snow which starts falling on his gangly palm. Sehun lifts his own gaze to the cloudy skies and nods. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Too bad, though. I’d like to see him singing. Kim Jongdae, isn’t it? Came in last month. Heard he’s really good — bet not as good as you, of course, Baekhyun-hyung,” Sehun adds sheepishly and Baekhyun beams in delight._ _

__“Well, if you guys don’t mind, I’ll go first. The cold is killing me,” Baekhyun smiles apologetically, sleep clouding in his eyes and as if in reflex, Chanyeol tightens his embrace around the smaller man. “Oh no! Poor Baekhyunnie, Chanyeol will protect you from the cold!” He says and quickly guides sleepy Baekhyun away after winking at Sehun and Lu Han as some sort of _see ya!_ or maybe something much  _more_. Sehun thinks wholeheartedly he'd rather not know._ _

__“They’re so adorable,” Lu Han sighs fondly and starts walking. Sehun quickly follows until they’re walking side by side. Somewhere between white cold breaths and reddening cheeks, they find their hands linked together. None of them remembers who initiate it first, but none of them seem to care, either._ _

__“I still don’t quite understand why you applied for the Love Department.” Sehun starts casually as they walk, breath turning into white smokes despite the growing warmth he feels inside. “I thought you’re going to my department.”_ _

__“So I can be with you 24/7? Pfft,” Lu Han scoffs mockingly but after a thought, his gaze softens and there’s a small smile tugging at his lips. A comfortable silence descends upon them and Sehun waits, not retorting as he usually would, slipping his free hand into his pocket. It’s getting colder. Lu Han seems to notice this and squeezes the hand he holds gently. It succeeds in giving Sehun more warmth and the younger squeezes back in return, smiling slightly; a wordless yet sincere _thank you_. Lu Han’s next words contain a certain warmth to them. A warmth which results from something he’s fond of; something he holds dear. “I have to take care of Yixing and Kris, I think. Help so they can work it out. It’s the least I can do for them.” He says, only loud enough for both of them to hear._ _

__“I see.” Sehun whistles. Then he pauses. “Do you… regret it?”_ _

__Lu Han stares at him, eyebrows raised. “Regret what?”_ _

__Sehun takes a moment to find the right words and drops his gaze to their intertwined fingers. “This.”_ _

___Us_._ _

__Lu Han stops walking, making Sehun stops along with him, and follows the younger’s gaze. He frowns slightly but merely for a few seconds, as if struggling mentally whether he should say whatever it is in his mind at the moment, mulling over the words. “I’ve been thinking,” he finally says tentatively. Sehun raises his gaze, eyebrows arched in question, silently urging the older to go on. Lu Han is avoiding his gaze now, eyes on sky. The clouds are now cotton-white, fleeting around comfortably around the blue sky. The snow, he notices, has stopped falling. Lu Han bites his lip. “I’ve been thinking about…” he pauses, takes a deep breath, and releases it with a sigh, eyes closing. “ _This_.”_ _

__“It’s been two months since I… came here. You’ve shown me everything and I’ve done _a lot_  of thinking; I think I haven’t been thinking  _that_  hard for the last couple of years, but — there’s something. I can’t really explain it, I’ve never been good with words, but there’s  _something_ ,” he stares straight at Sehun now and Sehun can see frustration, sadness, confusion, and some more raw emotions dancing in those eyes. Lu Han’s next words come out choked. “You  _were_  real. I know. I  _understand_. But so was Kris and everything else that came after you — ”_ _

__“Shh,” Sehun cuts in, involuntarily steps back and releases Lu Han’s hand from his.  “Just. It’s okay. I understand. I can — ” he takes a deep breath._ _

___You can what?_  The voice inside his head asks lazily. _ _

___Let him go?_  It continues, cold and merciless. Sehun shudders. _ _

___You’re not a hero, Oh Sehun._ _ _

__“No no no no,” Lu Han shakes his head quickly, taking Sehun’s hand back in his, a hint of desperation in his voice. “That’s not what I meant,” he says, “Even before I _knew_ … I’ve  _felt_  something. About you. You felt so familiar, and it’s strange, because as you know I didn’t remember ever meeting you. It didn’t make any sense to me. But now that I do — “ he pauses. “I won’t say it’s gonna be easy, but I’m willing to try.” A small, hopeful smile with a small trace of sadness is playing on his lips. “Again.”_ _

__A small chuckle. “After all, I did promise you. Remember?”_ _

__Sehun simply stares at him blankly. There are just so many emotions whirling around inside him that he thinks he can’t _feel_  properly at the moment. “What. What?”_ _

__“Is forever good enough for you?” Lu Han asks, a soft smile playing on his lips._ _

__This sounds terribly familiar, Sehun thinks numbly. He pauses and searches into his tangled strings of memories. It must be there _somewhere_. “Huh?”_ _

__“I’m promising you forever, as many forevers as I may have,” Lu Han replies smoothly, as if he’s been rehearsing the line over and over in his head._ _

___Oh_. Sehun suddenly feels the urge to cry and laugh at the same time. His next words are slightly shaken. “Forever is an awfully long time to look at your face.”_ _

__Lu Han’s smug grin is annoying as ever, even with his teary eyes. “You love this face. Take it or leave it.”_ _

__Sehun leans in and presses their forehead together, eyes closed, a small chuckle escapes his trembling lips. “This was where — ” he takes in a lungful of air shakily. He shakes his head slightly, words stuck in his throat.  “This was where it ended.” The words come out thick and quiet, as if he’s afraid if he said it out loud, something bad would happen and ruin everything._ _

__A drop of tear._ _

__Lu Han wipes the tear gently and shakes his head. “It’s never too late to start again,” he whispers softly onto the younger’s lips and flutters his eyes shut._ _

__Under the clearing blue sky, Sehun mirrors a smile that matches Lu Han’s as their lips finally touch._ _

 

 

 

___And this, I promise, is where we really begin._ _ _

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

  

 

_“Instead of forever, promise me you won’t leave me again.”_

_“So you don’t want forever?”_

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“I do. Make it forever _and_  you not leaving me again.”_

_“Well, technically, it’s _you_  who left  _me_. You’re the one who died, remember? Even after saying  _I don’t want to lose you, hyung_ , and  _poof_!”_

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“You remember too much now it’s annoying.”_

_“…”_

_“Now shut up and kiss me again.”_

_“Okay.”_

**Author's Note:**

> [original A/N]
> 
> #1: I don't speak Chinese.  
> #2: I actually started writing this in September and wasn't planning to write this more than 5k words or something, but it kinda turned out to be like this lol. I was kinda busy last semester and couldn't write / fangirl as often and as much I used to /cries/. Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you all enjoyed this! ^^ /off to catch up on exo again.


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